With This Ring, I Thee Bed
by GlassBomb
Summary: Gene and Alex tie the knot in typical style - He ad-libs his vows and she doesn't put a foot wrong. Written more for entertainment than sincerity - you've been warned. :D


**Author note: A wedding-fic for your enjoyment, ladies and gents - something that cropped into my head at 2am this morning whilst listening to the Scissor Sisters in my uncle's conservatory. What can I say except that it was the early hours, and I'm just a touch mad. :D This is very poetically licensed, not something you'll want to read if you're anticipating happy-sappy-romance-with-chocolate, and hopefully a laugh. It's got its sweet moments, but it's primarily a giggle rather than a sniffle. Let me know what you think please guys! x**

"If you would like to commence your vows, Alex," the vicar said quietly, smiling encouragingly at the Inspector, who nodded softly and turned to her almost-husband. Gene stood there, physically looking mildly frustrated with the spectacle of it all, but his eyes mirrored love, intrigue at her forthcoming speech and that uncharacteristic vulnerability, still foreign to her even after a year of living with him. Taking a deep breath, she began.

"Oh, Gene - where do I start?"

He raised an amused eyebrow, eyeing her casually.

"At the beginning might 'elp," he quipped, and the surrounding officers chuckled.

The DI grinned.

"That's as good a place as any," she agreed softly. "When I first met you, I expected a brash, bolshy, crude, arrogant dinosaur of a copper - and to be fair, that's what I got."

Ray's laughter was the most prominent, and Gene's expression bordered on hurt.

"Yeah, love you too..." he commented dryly, but his look backed the sentiment up as completely genuine.

Even the vicar smiled through Alex's amusement.

"Let me finish," she said gently, patiently. "That _was_ what I got - but I never expected the affection, the care, the desire and the protection, all wrapped up and concealed under twenty feet of steel armour. I never expected to fall in love with you, or to even find you an intelligent, astute man - but I did, and I'm so glad I did, because underneath it all and despite all your bravado, faults and the fact that I've actually made you up, you're a wonderful, warm individual whom I am delighted to be marrying."

Regardless of the typical madness of him being a figment of her overactive imagination, the DCI was deeply touched, and was entirely glad that no one but Alex was close enough to see the tears in his eyes.

"That was an absolute load of bol -"

He caught himself at the vicar's look, re-wording hastily as Ray guffawed silently beside him. Gene was almost tempted to stand on his foot, but something told him that that wasn't a particularly appropriate action towards your best man on your wedding day.

" - rubbish," he finished, clearing his throat nonchalantly. "But thank you, Bolly."

"It's not rubbish," Alex informed him in amusement.

As Gene smiled, the vicar murmured a silent "and now for you to profess your vows, Eugene."

"Oh God, don't call me that," he muttered, and as his wife-to-be grinned, Gene pulled anxiously at his tie. He had _tried_ to write a speech, he really had; But after fourteen separate failed attempts, several nights of skiving Luigi's and a horrifically large amount of scotch and fags, he'd come up with nothing. Gene Hunt was completely ad-libbing this, and the thought was bloody _terrifying._

_Bollocks to it_, he thought finally, clearing his throat once again and speaking straight from the ol' ticker.

"When I first met you, Alex, I didn't know what the 'ell I'd gotten myself into; you were demandin', bossy, frankly scary and I'd seen _men_ with less balls."

Once more, the congregation cracked up, and Alex, less emotionally challenged than himself, beamed at the probably truthful analogy, nonplussed.

"Go on," she urged gently, and he faked a look of panic.

"You need _more_? Because that was pretty much it..."

Shaz's giggles resounded within the church walls, and she nodded patiently.

"If you insist," he remarked coyly, winking. "I spent ages tryin' to get your attention, tryin' to make you see that despite the fact that I was a bast - _unemotional prat_, I cared about you, more than you'd ever realise. You're gorgeous, clever, posh, and all I thought was 'she's never gonna look bleedin' twice at me'. But you did, eventually, and I'm just really bloody glad that ya did, because you make me 'appy in a way that not even eight pints, a kebab and a blue movie can. I..."

Swallowing, he shrugged and said the next part almost too quietly for anyone but her to hear.

"I love you, and I always will."

A single tear ran down her cheek as she smiled, and he rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, don't cry," he begged, and the assembled officers surveyed his dismay through their guffaws. "I can't deal with CRYIN'..."

"Shut up you," she demanded softly, grinning. The vicar coughed softly, looking on the verge of laughter himself, and proceeded.

"Time for the ring exchanges," he announced regally, and Ray checked his pockets frantically. Gene turned for a moment, staring at him, completely aghast.

"Raymondo, if you've bloody forgotten -" he began furiously, but almost immediately saw the Sergeant grinning at him.

"Just a joke Guv," he assured, handing the rings to Alex and Gene respectively. Chris smirked, laughing silently at his best friend.

"Alex," the vicar prompted gently, and she nodded, meeting the DCI's eyes.

"With this ring, I thee wed," she remarked, her voice full of conviction and affection, and Gene couldn't help but beam. She pushed it gently onto the designated finger, her hand lingering upon his for a second.

"And Eugene..."

The Mancunian winced, sighing at the use of his full name, and grasped her hand with uncharacteristic gentility.

"With this ring, I thee b - wed," he murmured through a smirk, clasping her fingers as he slid on the ring.

The vicar smiled genially, and clapped his hands together in finality.

"I now pronounce you man and wife - you may kiss the bride."

Gene shrugged once more, delighted both to be Alex's husband and to have gotten all that bloody formality over with.

"Oh, to 'ell with it," he said simply, grabbing his new laughing wife and snogging her senseless to the rhapsody of the crowd's cheering. Eventually pulling away, he beamed at his flushed DI and took a peek at his imaginary watch.

"Right, ladies and gents - I believe it's beer o'clock!"

**Note: Assuming you like this one, I'm hoping to follow it up with a reception and a honeymoon - but tell me about this one first! Cheers folks. :D x**


End file.
